Revenge of the kitchen appliances...

It's been another one of THOSE weeks....just when you think you have a good grasp on life and household appliances all Hades breaks loose, with a vengeance no less!!!

I'm still smirking from my recent victory over the garbage disposer...it is purring like it should and devouring the leftovers the heathens leave behind...at least the ones the dog won't eat. Now it's the dishwasher's turn to be persnickety. Why? Murphy's Law of course!!! I noticed something out of the ordinary when I was putting dishes away...there was water still in it. Hmmmm, ok run another cycle, it stops at the rinse cycle and won't budge and still won't drain water...not again, not another doggone appliance gone fubar on me. But alas, cranky dishwasher 1, Mom zero. I'm not tackling this one. Hubby can have a go because I don't have it in me to fix it....I despise washing dishes anyway so maybe it's a conspiracy. Nah. It's just a machine, it doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad...it just cleans dishes!!! I thought I had become one with my kitchen recently after cleaning the oven, carefully scrubbing away baked goop and grime to a brilliant sheen, carefully rubbing and scraping gunk off the glasstop stove, cleaning utensil and junk drawers, only to have the dishwasher give me the proverbial middle finger. Blah. I think I'll move to Australia....actually it wouldn't be too bad since I wouldn't mind a new dishwasher...it's only 10 years old but I wasn't fond of it when we bought the house so eh, if it goes kaput that's a good excuse to buy another!

Oh but that's not the creme de la creme of appliance breakdowns. My beloved coffeemaker, my lifeline, my crutch, my refuge....won't brew anything....just sits there, smirking and mocking me....like hiding a glass of water from a man dying of thirst. Oh the wicked web of deceit these appliances weave! They are out to get us, we just don't know it yet. How can two appliances go kaput the same day at the same time???? Tides? Oprah? A shift of the space-time continuum? We may never know...but I'm sure a black hole in another galaxy billions and billions and billions and trillions of light years away is the culprit. And here I sit, craving the substance that flows freely through my veins, with a little added cream and sugar of course....nectar of the Gods! Mr. Coffee is perched on my countertop giving me a raspberry. *sigh* Looks like a trip to Target tonight to replace the ol' bugger. I've had it for a while and used it every day, some days more than once....guess it's time for it to move on to java heaven....

I guess when you don't show a little TLC to these electronic nightmares they turn on you. Perhaps the dishwasher and coffee maker were jealous with all the attention and loving care the oven got the other day, or the neat way I lovingly fixed the nozzle on the sink sprayer, or better yet the way I worked my magic with the blender making wonderful desserts for the younglings. In any case they decided to seek revenge, and got it they did. And if THAT'S not bad enough it all happens when the kids reach a frenzied level of whininess and general bad attitude-ness that you just want to pack up and head for the Himalayas without glancing back. But nothing that makes me want to shave my head and head for rehab *ahem*

Then there was the weekly trip to the grocery store. With child in tow it was time replenish the pantry shelves and breathe life back into the refrigerator (knock on wood THAT keeps going) It wasn't too long before the cart was overflowing with all kinds of food groups and then some...in which I need to get the rest of the bounty another time since standard issue carts aren't made with families of 7 in mind. Which brings me to the check out line. Just my luck I'm behind some larger than life good ol' boy who seemed to love the sound of his own voice. He just looked me up and down and the goods in my cart, much to my dismay because I absolutely do not like to socialize when shopping, it just isn't my thing....but I digress. He chuckles and asks how many am I feeding? *sigh* "there's 7 of us". 'Oh so two adults and 5 kids?' he replies. Wow. He must have been the TOP of his class so I retorted...'yes I believe that equals 7!' He just chuckled in a way that would make even the Queen of England want to scream and send the royal dogs on him. So he goes on and on about that's a lot of kids and it sure costs a lot to raise them and blah blah blah, preach preach preach, same old song and dance I hear all the time. Yes I know we have a large family, yes I know it costs a lot for groceries, yes I know they are a handful and yes I'm fully aware at how much STRESS IT IS TO DEAL WITH IDIOTS ON A CONSTANT BASIS who question my sanity when it comes to motherhood in general. I have 5 kids and I'm very happy with all of them. I'm proud of them and I'm very very blessed to have them! I wouldn't trade them for anything and I can't figure out why people perceive large families a burden rather than a blessing. But hey why argue with the ignorant? I figured there was no reason for me to get into a battle of wits with the unarmed, so I took the opportunity and ran for the next open lane, away from Goober Redneck and his asinine chatter about how much it costs to raise a large family. I repeatedly thanked the clerk for opening the lane so I could get away from Mr. Mouth. I don't care if he was offended. I spend little time worrying about who I offend around here. My sarcastic humor accompanied by equally barbed retorts are usually not intended as a personal attack or to offend but sometimes the elevators on some don't reach the top and they get all in a huff...which explains some strange looks and snubs I get on a daily basis. It's how I stay sane, that and consuming vast quantities of coffee help get me over other people's unimportant opinions. Even the light rain leaving the grocery store was a welcome relief, just getting out of there, away from people in general, back home to my safe haven, my refuge...the house of the possessed appliances with a mean streak.

I guess I should have a good laugh at it all....it must be some sort of paranormal activity or sunspots. But then again I can't fathom a reason WHY an entity would take refuge in MY house with kids that have an octave range that would make Mariah Carey insane with jealousy. Dishwashers and coffee makers can be replaced but not families, so there goes the meaning of life...now, if only I could figure out why the living room light decides to turn on and off by itself....then I will become one with my home and achieve a moment of Zen.

Target awaits!



Until next time....

Can she fix it? Yes SHE can!

I wouldn't exactly refer to myself as a Handy Manny, er, Handy Martha that is, but once in a while I surprise even myself as to my DIY capabilities.

We've had a heavy duty garbage disposal on the fritz for some time now....since last spring. Hubby disagrees and thinks it has only been kaput since August. In any case, it was dead, deadski, kaput, fubar...you name it. We tried the little reset button on the bottom (which my husband didn't even know existed but the little woman DID) and turned on and off the breaker switch to no avail. Hubby said the motor was fried. I wasn't convinced. I still heard a distinct 'hum' which meant the motor was wanting to turn it just couldn't for some unseen reason. Our home is only 10 years old and sure things tend to start falling apart and need repair but I figured a heavy duty disposal like our electric Godzilla under the sink had more than 10 years in her. But during the months it was out it was a pain to make sure no solid food passed through the rubber stopper on the right side of the sink, leaving the kitchen trash can to emit smells that would make an Ogre cringe.

Summer, Fall and the holidays came and went and it was time to send the kids back to school and to do some serious house cleaning to rid the abode of clutter, assorted fruit snacks scattered about and in the couch cushions and the last of the holiday decor put away for good. I had forgotten about the disposal, and we settled into a routine of carefully throwing food scraps in the trash can when tiny light bulbs went off above my head. Now how could the motor be burnt out when it still makes a noise? Well, there's the beauty of the internet! Search engines! A quick sign on to Google and I was off searching the web for a disposal remedy for our sick electric garbage munching machine.

It didn't take long to find a video giving you step by step instructions on how to fix an alleged 'dead' disposal! Little did I know on the bottom of the darn unit there is a hex opening for an allen wrench to loosen the gear to try to free up whatever the heck is jamming the darn thing. So...following instructions to a "T" I turned off the breaker switch in the garage (since the plug is conveniently BEHIND the sink and cabinet) and insert an allen wrench and with a little oomph the thing pried loose! This had to work! I didn't want to fathom the $100 it would take to replace this whole unit. I turned on the breaker switch in the garage...pushed the red reset button, turned on the cold water and let it run for a few seconds and silently prayed as I reached for the switch on the wall.....GRRRRRRRRRRR....the familiar grinding never sounded so good! It sounded a bit sickening as accompanying the grinding sound was metallic crunching sound....so I turned it off and reached in (ok bad idea but it was off ok?) and pulled out a baby spoon that was in a strange "L" shape. That was the culprit the whole time! A Gerber baby spoon of all things. Eureka!!!! I fixed something!

I couldn't hold back my excitement at my electronic triumph and immediately called my other half to let him know it was working and to brag about how wonderfully handy and smart I am! Hey I'm not conceited am I? Just goes to show you that we women never give up! We are persistent in our quest to fix the things that make men go hmmmmmm....and we deserve the props when we usurp a man's natural ability to be Mr. Fix It....a a title I now proudly wear......MS. Fix It! Can I hear an amen sisters?

Karma is one random wench

It was inevitable....just when I thought I was invisible hiding in my own happy place behind the wheel of my beloved SUV...after living in gooberville for a little over 4 years I met up with a good ol' boy of one of the local law enforcement agencies who probably had nothing better to do than sit in a church parking lot ready to grab his next victim to meet his quota for the month...

I left work a little early...just wasn't feeling the vibe from the country format I was playing...save for a few songs here and there...so I voicetracked the remaining two breaks and headed home (after a short detour to pick up a few Fruit and Yogurt Parfaits from McD's) minding my business listening to 103.5 jamming away to oldies, oblivious to the other morons on the road who insist on making Rt. 13 into a NASCAR speedway...

I pull into my subdivision, dark as Sleepy Hollow (since this area is too incredulously incompetent to build subdivisions with streetlights, sidewalks and standard issue pavement, but I digress) when all of a sudden my rearview mirror lit up like something only Steven Spielberg's imagination could conjur up from Close Encounters of the Third Kind...spotlights, red and blue flashing orbs and a muttered expletive...crap...a cop's pulling me over on MY street in the dark so EVERYONE could see the lights...OY VEY...totally the opposite of what I was wanting to do at that moment....

Stupid me without thinking I unbuckle my seatbelt to dig through my purse to pull out my license and insurance when Dudley Dooright creeps up to my side of the door like a cat ready to pounce on its prey...why he thought I might be a 'pistol packin' momma' befuddles me...but hey PMS can make even the most meek woman an ass-kicking assassin at any given moment. We exchanged pleasantries and I apologized for taking off my seatbelt to get my info. Much to my relief he said it was ok he saw I had it on earlier and asked if I was in any hurry this evening. HMMMMM, not really, just tired, wanting to go home, listening to some cool 80's tunes ready to chill on the couch with the wee ones...wow, criminal intent much?

Ok so he got me going more than 10 miles over the posted speed limit...what speed limit? I never noticed a posted speed limit and even when I do it changes every 1/4 mile...35 to 45 then 55 then BAM 25 or 35. It's like retardville USA when it comes to the posted speed limit. I never know what the Hell it is from one street to the next. But hey I'm not arguing with a guy that has a loaded gun hanging off his belt. I'm like oops, I wasn't paying attention and I haven't had a ticket in more than 10 years. Not much of a threat to the public I guess.

I'm one lucky lady since he said this was a warning and to slow down a little next time. Um sure ok dude...you're the boss. I didn't even notice how fast I was going...then again I get passed daily like I'm standing still by a bunch of neanderthals who think car racing is a godly sport. Figures the ONE time I'm not paying attention, my mind elsewhere thinking about other things and stuff that I need to get done this week and blah blah blah, not bothering anyone or drag racing per se...I get nabbed by the local fuzz. This after 3 years of driving a minivan with out of state plates with nary a nod from the coppers and SHAZAM....I get nailed in my snazzy black SUV. Eh...must be the curse thing...just glad I didn't get another flat tire...

As much as I love driving my SUV I now realize I'm in a different category for the cops...potentially reckless law breaking bad girl Now I know why they never stopped me in the minivan. There is no way on this earth any law enforcement agency would deem a light almond pearl minivan a serious threat.....makes sense you know. I'm glad I'm not in the wimpy soccer mom category anymore. Makes me feel like I've stepped up in the world....but now I'll really have to pay more attention while driving around this uncultured hole in the ground in the midwest.

Such is life in the fast lane! But I still didn't get a ticket.......SUCKERS!

The Golden Compass review

I'll have to keep this somewhat abbreviated....but my head is still buzzing from the sneak peek showing of The Golden Compass movie my family saw recently...caution to those who were/are offended by this fictional account...do not read on if these stories offend you for whatever reason...now, to those of you who are NOT offended by such stories and who love fantasy regardless of the beliefs of the author then pray tell read on!

I only heard about the sneak preview from my son's friend who invited him...I quickly snatched tickets and made plans. I'm currently reading the book The Golden Compass and anal as this may be I really do NOT like to watch a movie if I haven't finished the book it accompanies...just me really. But I had to make an exception in this case....I've been about to burst at the seams to see this movie and finally got to see it in (almost) all of its wonder! I'm halfway through the book so I know enough about the story to get me through it. I will have to say if you have no idea what the story is about and you watch the movie, you'll be lost and going 'what'? a million times before you grasp it.

It starts out following the book to a 'T' then quickly goes this way and that almost abandoning the storyline from the book. But it is not a bad thing it just moves along rather quickly and introduces characters a little too soon I think. Daniel Craig does a marvelous job interpreting Lord Asriel...very gruff, proper but I didn't like the fact he isn't actually IN the movie very long...no spoilers here....I just wish his part were bigger. I'm sure it will be in the next movie, and believe me there HAS to be one! You'll just have to watch the movie to find out why now won't you?

I loved the whole idea of a parallel universe, with animal daemons and Dust and flying witches and mechanical things that look similar in our world but function completely different in Lyra's world. And speaking of Lyra...no wonder Dakota Blue Richards beat out thousands of other girls for that part...she won that part because she IS Lyra! Cunning, sneaky, tough, clever, smart...not the diminutive flower everyone expects from a pre-teen girl to play. No, this girl is one to be reckoned with...she fights back, and boy does she ever! With a silver tongue and a quick mind she manages to conjur plans the adults couldn't begin to fathom. I absolutely LOVED the armored ice bears and I want one now!! The bond between Lyra and Iorek is quite tender. My kids joked that the polar bears were fighting over a Coke. A lot of the story went over my kids' heads and the younger ones were puzzled by it but I think they liked it OK. My oldest son LOVED it. Our 12 year old was visiting a friend and didn't come with us but that gives me another excuse to go see it with him on another day.

The movie moved rather quickly and it was nice seeing how daemons interacted with their human counterparts and how important and viable they were to a person's existance. Nicole Kidman is such a hateful and vile character in the movie...and I'm not fond of her to begin with, so she is a smart match for the role of Mrs. Coulter. Sam Elliot seemed a little out of place as Lee Scoresby but his daemon had me rolling...just seeing the movie to hear his voice is good enough for me. As I said earlier I'm only halfway done with the book but a LOT of the detail was left out, especially WHO Lyra actually is and what she means to the intricate parts of the story. It is explained very later on and not the way I would have thought, but it works out for the most part. Nice compter effects and fight scenes and a terrific score make this movie an absolute MUST to see this Holiday season. Although I would leave kids younger than 10 home as they probably won't have a clue and get bored because the story is very confusing at times. At least to those who haven't read a synopsis on it.

The ending came far too soon but not without a bang and the audience was left hanging but since I won't spoil anything I can assure you another movie should be quickly in the works. This film should bring in quite a bit of revenue overall. The theatre was packed, even with a big college basketball game and a huge holiday parade going on at the same time.

I loved this movie and I'm giving it a HUGE thumbs up...the acting was brilliant, the direction almost flawless and the characters had depth, even the daemons. But I wouldn't have minded a little bit more of the book in the script, especially the conniving ways of Lyra! Her little adventures at Jordan College were barely a mention in the film. But that's my only complaint, and a mild one. It's a must see...and a film I won't forget anytime soon!

Now I have the motivation I need to finish The Golden Compass book and get started on the other books in the Phillip Pullman trilogy!

And hands off my daemon!

The ER trip before Christmas

Let's face it. Kids get sick. It is inevitable. The many levels of sickness that strike children can make even the most mentally stable of parents lose it on occasion. Such is the case of a recent trip to the ER with my sick 4 year old in tow.


The events leading up to it started about a week prior. My baby girl started getting fever, we'd dose her up on Motrin, it would go away. All would be fine for half a day then BOOM, higher fever, chills, vomiting, etc. Sounded to me like a simple stomach bug, if such a thing were that simple. A few days of the up and down fever, vomiting, refusing to eat were wearing thin on my husband and I as we were bewildered as to what was making her so ill. Could it be flu? Viral infection? We thought she had finally gotten over whatever it was last Saturday but all of a sudden that afternoon she spiked a sudden fever of 104.5 and looked so gaunt and pale, she hadn't eaten anything of substance in days and had nothing but water and apple juice, in which she vomited up. She cried when she used the bathroom and that set off a light bulb...a UTI!!! It had to be it. My baby had one of the most painful infections that can ever strike a female. I had one last year and it was so awful. I can't imagine the pain my baby girl was enduring, and had endured for several days! I felt like such a failure as a parent that I didn't recognize the symptoms of a UTI. I quickly gathered her in my arms, threw a blanket on her and whisked her off to a local hospital. In retrospect I should have gone to the larger, more updated one but I digress, in my confusion I went to the smaller hospital which was a few miles closer. My first impression wasn't good. My baby was shaking in the blanket and very upset, and the admitting clerk or whatever she was had to be the rudest human being I've ever encountered in this area. She just glared at me and said, 'what's the problem?' Um bitch I have a sick kid in my arms! Dismissing that thought I blurted out "my problem right now is your attitude but the REASON I came in is because my daughter is sick!' I sensed a slight roll of her eyes but I didn't care, my child is sick and I'm a parent on the edge...I could have KILLED at that moment without nary a regret. If this person was the kind of employee this hospital wanted, attitude and all, then I was in for a rough visit. I'll have to admit they were quite efficient as we were in triage within 10 minutes....they were a bit nicer in there and the ER doctor on call was fair, barely understandable with his accent, but he wasn't rude like the idiot in admitting.



The nurse however was fantastic, and I'm positive I had seen her somewhere else, but this being podunk you see everyone at least 10 times on a daily basis *shrug* and then the IV needle went in Lauren's arm. I flinched...I hate needles...and I've had my share of IVs in me and I didn't want this for my child but I knew it was necessary. They calmly prepped her arm and I stood by her to try to get her attention away from the giant invasive needle and then it went in her little arm, and she did nothing! Lauren didn't flinch, didn't blink, didn't wince, cry, scream or moan...she was a trooper!!! She kept looking at me and I guess she figured as long as I was there she would be all right. They took 4 vials of blood before putting in the IV to replenish lost fluid. After they got the IV in and taped down to her arm that's when she complained a little. She winced a bit but she was so brave! She looked at the IV, then me, and then she said "Mom don't let them take blood ok?' and I had to laugh because they had already done it without her looking. I told her the nurse already did and they were going to make her feel better. I had told the nurse my suspicion that she had a UTI and we finally got her up to use the bathroom and there was no denying it from her sample...poor thing she had so much bacteria in her pee you could tell something was wrong!


The nurse came in and said it was in fact, a very severe UTI and if it had progressed much longer it would have started to affect her kidneys and that's when it could have been much much worse. So we were to be admitted for that night. I quickly made arrangements to have my shift covered at work and prepared for a long night in the hospital away from my family, but you couldn't have torn me away from my daughter's side. Thankfully we had a private room, and thanks to recent renovations it looked quite nice. Her bed was much more comfortable than the one in the ER and she didn't complain at all. The nurses couldnt' have been any nicer. They were the sweetest people I've ever seen. I quickly forgot (until now that is) about the idiot down in admitting and focused my attention on getting my daughter well. They gave her more medicine and quickly got antibiotics going in her IV. Thanks to a local organization called Bears for BooBoos she was given a purple monkey to keep, and she loves that purple monkey! The nurses gave me a recliner so I could attempt to sleep in and brought water and apple juice for Lauren, but we couldn't get her to eat anything. Lauren was so tired it was after midnight before she fell asleep. After a quick phone call to check on the kids and talk to hubby, I settled next to her in the recliner but it was hard to sleep. Hospitals aren't exactly The Ritz, and I was so worried for my baby because she still spiked fevers and was rather sluggish.


The nurses came in round the clock it seemed to check her vitals and to give her oral meds to keep her fever down. All she wanted was water. This scenario proved all too familiar as I had spent two days with my youngest son Colton in the hospital when he had Croup...he was only 2, ironically I was pregnant with Lauren at the time...poor Colton's O2 levels were a dangerous 63% and he was bluish/purple. It was scary and I couldn't help but think of that stressful time of watching one of my babies sick and in obvious pain and stress. Just more gray hair to add to the mix but as parents we will do whatever it takes to get our babies well! We are resilient like that, we just need extra Prozac later on!


This visit was different however as Christmas was only a few days away and it wasn't clear if Lauren was going to be able to be home in time. My older daughter was visibly upset before I left to take Lauren to the hospital so I knew it was stressing the other kids out too. I think I had an epiphany of sorts. Thinking of all the 'stuff' I bought the kids and I kept worrying that it wasn't enough presents, mainly because I couldn't find a certain video game console and I had run out of time to find my oldest an iPod Nano. All that didn't matter anymore, as I had a child in the hospital, and looking around I wasn't the only one with other families' loved ones in the hospital apart from them. So what if my kids didn't get a gazillion presents. Being a cohesive family unit was more important and this was what I focused on. All the rest is just stuff. I did what I could for my kids and if they didn't like it well tough! Their sister is more important and besides I told them there weren't to touch a single present until Lauren comes home, even if that meant she came home AFTER Christmas.


Sunday morning came and Lauren seemed ok but still very pale and she needed more antibiotics. Mike came up there with the other kids to visit her and to take over for a while. Lauren didn't want me to go and it was so hard to leave but I knew she'd be ok for a while without me as I had to do some last minute gift wrapping. The kids seemed ok while at home but to me it wasn't right because I knew Lauren wasn't there. I tried to keep my mind occupied with Christmas and getting things done and finally I couldn't take it anymore so I gathered the kids to go back up to the hospital. I was prepared this time taking additional clothing for myself and Lauren and a few stuffed animals that she loves. Mike went back home after noon with the kids and we thought we were over the worst of it...but Sunday mid-afternoon Lauren spiked yet another high fever of almost 105! I was so concerned and she was so groggy and out of it, and she hadn't eaten in days! The nurse started her on another bag of antibiotics. So another night in the hospital it was, and I made yet more arrangements for someone to cover my shift at work. I didn't care how many hours I was losing I was where I needed to be. They gave her a double dose of meds to settle her down and she finally went to sleep. For me however, sleep wasn't that easy to achieve in a recliner, but everytime I finally dosed off the nurse would come in to check her vitals. I must have looked like a train wreck of sorts.


Monday morning Lauren was fever free and asking to eat breakfast, a good sign! Our family doctor was making rounds and checked her out, she was alert, talkative and she wanted to draw and read and do puzzles. After three bags of antibiotics, countless teaspoons of Tylenol and Motrin and a few awkward trips to the bathroom with me pushing the IV cart.....we were FINALLY given the green light to take her home! I had brought her favorite McDonalds food, a cheeseburger, to the hospital and she chowed down on it like it was food of the Gods...it was Christmas Eve and my baby was coming home so there wasn't anything else I could have asked for! With an antibiotic prescription in hand we finally bid the hospital farewell and went home. It was great! I finished wrapping gifts, got her meds filled out and she took them like a champ. I know they didn't taste all that great but I'm sure she didn't want the alternative, a trip back to the hospital, and that gave her good reason to take her meds.


We were all so tired, me especially, and I was SO thankful that I could sleep in my own bed after two days in a recliner ending up sleeping in a pretzel position. The kids went to bed around 10PM Christmas Eve and it was nice getting all the presents under and around the tree, the two shiny new bikes perfectly placed, all the trinkets and candies in the stockings...it was bliss. I didn't take my kids for granted and it seemed like what I was doing I should be thankful for, and I was. I can't imagine the many families that had kids in the hospital on Christmas, and I felt for them...it's not a fun place to be. Being a parent means dealing with worry and stress but in the end it is the most rewarding 'job' anyone could ever ask for.


The kids let us sleep in for once this Christmas....ok a few times I could hear them shuffling about, getting positions on the couch and falling back to sleep. Lauren seemed to sleep best, never once getting out of bed, she rarely does anyway, but she slept so good that night. I was just happy to be in my comfy bed again! Christmas morning the kids were buzzing with excitment but I had to make coffee first before present opening began. I was just so happy to have all my kids there and feeling better. Lauren ran another fever but it was 100.5 or so and that was good. As long as her fevers were going down she didn't need to go back. A dose of Motrin and antibiotics kept her going. She's been fever free since Christmas so that is a good sign. She is eating like a champ again, even though she has a persistent cough, but to me her being home and playing and laughing and occasionally screaming at her siblings is the best sound in the whole wide world.


Hug your kids, tell them you love them...you never know what will happen next! While we were in the hospital we watched Wizard of Oz and I'll never forget that one cheesy line at the end .... 'a heart is not judged by how much you love, but how much you are loved by others'. I couldn't have said it better myself!


And there is no place like home.

Until next time....