Karma is one random wench

It was inevitable....just when I thought I was invisible hiding in my own happy place behind the wheel of my beloved SUV...after living in gooberville for a little over 4 years I met up with a good ol' boy of one of the local law enforcement agencies who probably had nothing better to do than sit in a church parking lot ready to grab his next victim to meet his quota for the month...

I left work a little early...just wasn't feeling the vibe from the country format I was playing...save for a few songs here and there...so I voicetracked the remaining two breaks and headed home (after a short detour to pick up a few Fruit and Yogurt Parfaits from McD's) minding my business listening to 103.5 jamming away to oldies, oblivious to the other morons on the road who insist on making Rt. 13 into a NASCAR speedway...

I pull into my subdivision, dark as Sleepy Hollow (since this area is too incredulously incompetent to build subdivisions with streetlights, sidewalks and standard issue pavement, but I digress) when all of a sudden my rearview mirror lit up like something only Steven Spielberg's imagination could conjur up from Close Encounters of the Third Kind...spotlights, red and blue flashing orbs and a muttered expletive...crap...a cop's pulling me over on MY street in the dark so EVERYONE could see the lights...OY VEY...totally the opposite of what I was wanting to do at that moment....

Stupid me without thinking I unbuckle my seatbelt to dig through my purse to pull out my license and insurance when Dudley Dooright creeps up to my side of the door like a cat ready to pounce on its prey...why he thought I might be a 'pistol packin' momma' befuddles me...but hey PMS can make even the most meek woman an ass-kicking assassin at any given moment. We exchanged pleasantries and I apologized for taking off my seatbelt to get my info. Much to my relief he said it was ok he saw I had it on earlier and asked if I was in any hurry this evening. HMMMMM, not really, just tired, wanting to go home, listening to some cool 80's tunes ready to chill on the couch with the wee ones...wow, criminal intent much?

Ok so he got me going more than 10 miles over the posted speed limit...what speed limit? I never noticed a posted speed limit and even when I do it changes every 1/4 mile...35 to 45 then 55 then BAM 25 or 35. It's like retardville USA when it comes to the posted speed limit. I never know what the Hell it is from one street to the next. But hey I'm not arguing with a guy that has a loaded gun hanging off his belt. I'm like oops, I wasn't paying attention and I haven't had a ticket in more than 10 years. Not much of a threat to the public I guess.

I'm one lucky lady since he said this was a warning and to slow down a little next time. Um sure ok dude...you're the boss. I didn't even notice how fast I was going...then again I get passed daily like I'm standing still by a bunch of neanderthals who think car racing is a godly sport. Figures the ONE time I'm not paying attention, my mind elsewhere thinking about other things and stuff that I need to get done this week and blah blah blah, not bothering anyone or drag racing per se...I get nabbed by the local fuzz. This after 3 years of driving a minivan with out of state plates with nary a nod from the coppers and SHAZAM....I get nailed in my snazzy black SUV. Eh...must be the curse thing...just glad I didn't get another flat tire...

As much as I love driving my SUV I now realize I'm in a different category for the cops...potentially reckless law breaking bad girl Now I know why they never stopped me in the minivan. There is no way on this earth any law enforcement agency would deem a light almond pearl minivan a serious threat.....makes sense you know. I'm glad I'm not in the wimpy soccer mom category anymore. Makes me feel like I've stepped up in the world....but now I'll really have to pay more attention while driving around this uncultured hole in the ground in the midwest.

Such is life in the fast lane! But I still didn't get a ticket.......SUCKERS!